I'm to angry to internalize the lessons now.
My house is strikingly similar to a war zone that claims my peace of mind as its greatest casualty.
Most of the time I'm just alone.
When I was little, playing yahtzee or watching the Jungle Book would pacify my emotions.
Frankly when I was little life wasn't quite real yet.
And back then I never felt so empty.
There is a gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be.
Construction paper and tape don't quite do the job.
I haven't learned how to sew a heart out of the yarn yet.
Sometimes I think I feel it beat once or twice,
but I think it's really just the empty emotions dripping into the cavity.
what went wrong?
Did I use the wrong recipe?
Did I mix to much hate into an already worn heart?
Did I pour in to much love all at once?
Right now this life, this existence, it is so unbearably overwhelming.
The algorithms don't seem to find the solution either.
No one gave me the vocabulary list that explained how I feel.
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No one taught me what life is.
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I feel like my dreams are just clawing away at the back of my ribs, occupying the place that my heart left.
Inches away from seeing the beautiful hues of the sky,
inches away from feeling the crisp winter air bite at their cheeks,
inches away from exposing themselves to me.
Is there a brain transplant surgery?
Too often have I felt that mine hasn't followed the correct direction.
Is it possible to induce amnesia?
There are to many things I wish I could forget.
Can I use the scars on my hands to draw the line?
Because too many of you have crossed it.
Where is the place that me and her can just breathe the same clear oxygen and not feel so shackled?
I would definitely love to go there.
One day, Sundays aren't going to hurt so bad.
Wow, we heard the same sermon this Sunday.
ReplyDeleteI can't even begin to explain how much I can relate to that. So empty. All the time. It sucks. But then it doesn't suck because I am getting so used to it. I don't know. It's a confusing sucking mess. But great post. I love it.
ReplyDelete"I feel like my dreams are just clawing away at the back of my ribs, occupying the place that my heart left."
ReplyDeleteI want to give you a hug right now because like sunset said, I can relate. This was beautiful though. Beautiful and sad.
No one writes like you man, keep it up.
So much truth and relation I don't know where to start.
ReplyDeleteBut I have this vision where Sundays become holy again because of blogs. And in that case you are a mighty preacher. Good preachin, brother.
(clap while you read this) Bravo! this was amazing!
ReplyDelete(now stop clapping)
but really this was SO good. as usual. nice work man
Some great lines:
ReplyDelete"Did I pour in too much love all at once?"
"One day, Sundays aren't going to hurt so bad."
But the best line,
"No one gave me the vocabulary list that explained how I feel."
Oh... and the line about amnesia. You should watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. (You've already seen it, right?)
"empty emotions dripping into the cavity."
ReplyDelete"No one gave me the vocabulary list that explained how I feel." -I agree with Nelson, this line was absolutely perfect.
"Is it possible to induce amnesia?
There are to many things I wish I could forget.
Can I use the scars on my hands to draw the line?
Because too many of you have crossed it."
"One day,"
And that place...I hope it exists too, for all of us that feel like this. You are brilliant. And I agree, no one writes quite the way you do. That's why we fall in love with your words. They're real and captivating and heartbreaking and....real.